6 Forbidden Beard Styles for the Brave and Stupid

There isn’t necessarily a proper way to wear a beard. If you have facial hair, you should style it how you want! However, some trends over the years have gotten out of hand. Here are six bizarre beard styles you should avoid unless you’re brave. 

1. Mutton Chops

Mutton chops haven’t been in style since the 19th century. If you rock this beard style, more power to you. Styling mutton chops requires growing a full beard and removing hair from your chin and neck. Then, you trim below your jaw to ensure the neckline looks good. Mutton chops used to be the norm for presidents, but it should remain in the past.

2. Full-Face Beard

Some guys don’t necessarily have a style with their beard — instead, they cover their whole face. This facial hair choice is brave, to say the least. While it may be practical in winter, your body could quickly overheat in the summer! If you desire this style, grow your beard like Tom Hanks in “Castaway” and use whatever you need to prop it up. 

3. Cheekless Beards

Beards are supposed to include both the cheek and the neck. However, men in the old days used to shave the top half of their faces for a fuller chinstrap. Cheekless beards are antiquated, so don’t bring them back to the 21st century. If you do, get ready for weird stares and phone cameras pointing at your facial hair.  

4. Cat Whiskers

When November arrives, it’s time to grow mustaches and support men’s health. However, you should find a better style than cat whiskers. This facial hair configuration is meant for felines, not humans. Thankfully, cat whiskers aren’t a popular mustache choice. However, Keith Haubrich once used it to win a mustache competition in the U.K. 

5. Monkey Tail Beard

A higher EDAR gene expression means your beard is denser and fuller. However, a lower expression could mean your facial hair doesn’t connect well. Some guys intentionally disconnect their beard by turning it into a monkey tail. If you want to look foolish, wear this style in public! Baseball fans may recognize Mike Fiers’ monkey tail he wore in a 2009 game. 

6. Handlebar Mustache

If you want to look pretentious, proceed with a handlebar mustache. Guys with this style typically have strong opinions about craft beer and high-end cologne. Seriously, imagine growing this mustache and not scratching your lip every five minutes due to the itching. Handlebars are divisive, so don’t antagonize your partner by sporting the style. 

Bizarre Beards You May Regret Growing

As the saying goes, don’t knock it until you try it. However, you can disregard some beard and mustache styles before incorporating them. Be creative with your facial hair and account for what works best for your face shape.